“The truth is that this is the only way I can live: in two directions. I need two lives. I am two beings…”

photo-1© StephiaMadelyne

“I am aware of a monstrous paradox; By giving myself I learn to love Hugo. By living as I do I am preserving our love from bitterness and death.

The truth is that this is the only way I can live: in two directions. I need two lives. I am two beings. When I return to Hugo in the evening, to the peace and warmth of the house, I return with a deep contentment, as if this were the only condition for me. I bring home to Hugo a whole woman, freed of all ‘possessed’ fevers, cured of the poison of restlessness and curiosity which used to threaten our marriage, cured through action. Our love lives, because I live. I sustain and feed it. I am loyal to it, in my own way, which cannot be his way. If he ever reads these lines, he must believe me. I am writing calmly, lucidly while waiting for him to come home, as one who waits for the chosen lover, the eternal one.”

 ~  Anaïs Nin

 

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